I would invent something that could organize my thoughts. If that were possible, then I could sort through them and think them through completely without distraction and more thoughts crowding over top.
Ooooh, the joy that would bring me.
It would be like true personal counseling.

 Oof. I have some of the worst nervous habits.
When I'm nervous I either clam up... or talk non-stop. Recently, around this guy I like A LOT I can't stop talking and I blush when I look at or into his eyes. I laugh a lot and fidget. 
It's so embarassing.

 I miss Amanda. A misguided comment made just a few minutes ago made me think about how..., well, she wouldn't say that.
She's supportive, kind, helpful and just an overall positive person to be around! I love being around her and she always makes me feel better about myself. Loving to clean isn't a bad trait to have either! I love her so much!
Her staying over recently just made me appreciate her friendship more. <3

Kaylan, I love 'chu. :D

Ireland. It's just so beautiful there! I feel like I could just run and let my spirit soar in some of the places I've seen pictures of, I would want to go somewhere absolutely breath-taking! I want to go to a place where your spirit just humbles at the sight of it!

Nothing! ...yet! :P

Wow, these are kind of morbid, huh?
I'm not sure about what I would want written on my gravestone. I don't think about death all that often, and even less often my own death. Accomplishments and a prayer would probably be nice, I suppooose.

Hmmm... I think I'd just wing it.
I'm not prepared, but there are plenty of things I could use to beat the crap out of the undead.
I may just have to prepare now or I'll get my butt kicked... Onoez.

I haven't written anything in a long while, so bear with me here. I wrote this late last night starting at 12:57 and ending at 1:27 in the morning. So, it was pretty late considering that I have a normal sleep schedule now.
It's more like a journal entry of my thoughts more than anything, hence the postage here. Woo.


-I Have Learned-

I have learned over the years of my life, though they are less than most other peoples’, that there are just some feelings only words from a book can create. Today I actually started to read Cold Mountain by Charles Frazier and even before I could finish the first chapter I refused to breathe or utter a sound.
It was just that horrifying.
Along the years I’ve also learned that if an author can make you feel just that awful, so horrified that you don’t even want to take a sip of air for fear of gagging… they’re good.
It takes so much talent to be able to rouse a person’s actual feelings. People have tried to do just that for so long and the majority still doesn’t realize words are the trick.
Believe me, I’ve seen the ways and methods that they have tried and failed at.
Some say that words can not take a woman’s heart; it is but the actions that may make her flutter.
Those who say that must not be very good writers, because I can tell you that unless you fall over and make yourself look cute, there is no giggling.
I suppose different people like different things though.
I love art, poetry and music among many other things. Heck, I’m about as eclectic with tastes as it gets.
So, now I guess I’m writing (or rambling) about things I’ve learned and my itty bitty bits of wisdom. It’s hard to list things unless they’ve made a large impact or revelation on your life. I live by a small set of rules though. They were created by things I’ve learned and things I’ve taken in by watching others’ reactions and experiences.
Since I have mentioned them, I might as well write them.
First and foremost, I have no right to judge a person unless I have spent enough waking moments with them or have been them. If I do have an opinion on someone I try my best to keep it to myself, unless they hurt my friends.
Speaking of that, the next rule I’ll mention is that I really don’t care about what others do to me unless it’s cruel; verbal or physical. I normally don’t even care if they strike below the belt. That’s just how low they decided to sink themselves. If you sink too low, you can’t crawl out even after you’re humiliated by the lack of reaction.
If I hurt someone severely, I have no right to talk to them without permission. I consider my friends parts of me and if they’re close friends, it’s like chopping off a limb. You can’t just sew it back on. If that limb rejects your stitches, you have to leave it be and hope it won’t reject you forever.
Sure, I’ll try and put in a few words here and there, but people after being hurt are very defensive and if I hurt them to a point where they don’t want me near them, I will be just as hurt as they are.
I’m not exactly sure if it would be possible for me to do something that horrible and if so, I wouldn’t do it, but if that did happen I would regret it wholly.
That’s about it when it comes to rules I go by. I don’t pick and choose rules. I realize that I do these things and I put them into words.
The last thing that I have learned that I think is actually worth writing down is that I know when to act ignorant. I’m not saying that I would lie, but there are times when you hear something you know they didn’t mean for you too and so you just shrug it off.
I know when to act stupid. Now, most people wouldn’t write this if they had any doubts about their intelligence because they’d wonder if they were actually acting or not.
Believe me though, I know when I actually do stupid things and when I just act them.
Really, I do.
The reason for this though is that there are times when being serious and being a
Know-it-all just doesn’t do the trick. You have to break loose of that and be a dork sometimes just to get through to someone and cheer them up. People enjoy that and I enjoy doing it the majority of the time. I don’t like showing these sides to me or bringing someone down along with myself. My misery definitely doesn’t enjoy tag-a-longs. That’s not the way I work. Plus, if I act happy then eventually them being happy brings me back up again. It’s an odd cycle and honestly I don’t want to get into the workings and mental issues that cause it. Right now it’s almost one-thirty in the morning and I need sleep and to work more on that book. It’s a Saturday! Geez, you’d think I wouldn’t write so much since I haven’t in a while.

~ Lily (Adimae)

Like I said, I've gone through my gift art obligations. I even worked on them. Imagine that.

Little tidbits I forgot in the last entry -

Ali, the character I'm drawing for Angus is actually 35 and has a son.
I love his character to death.

Today, she was the character I worked on.
Let me get the sketch... Aha!
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/AliBox.jpg

It's just a concept for now. That's her having just finished her unpacking and utterly relieved that she's done with it.

Now, on to other things.

Later.
When I can focus.

~<3 For now.

Celtic Woman was AMAZING. The performance overall was about... 3 or 4 hours. We got an intermission one hour in to it. After that, it at least felt like 3 hours. I reeeeally should have used that intermission to use the utilities instead of just getting a large Sprite.
Despite that, they really were great. Real instrumentals too. <3
You must obey the celtic beat. You must.

The only downside was that it took longer to get back home than it did to watch the whole concert. It was still worth it though.
Hm... nifty fun fact time.

The Nokia Theater holds up to 6,000 people while the Bass Hall holds up to around 21,000 people.

The Nokia Theater would be packed if the two waay over rows were allowed.
I still have no idea why they weren't. Unstable seats, maybe? Who knows.
On the way there (which was around 30 to 45 minutes) my mom and I stopped to get a smoothie. Not really important, but hey, it was a GOOD smoothie.
We had stopped by Smoothie King and so I nabbed a Lemon Strawberry with NO SOY PROTEIN. Evil stuff. At least it is to me. I chose other additives.
Anyways, along with that I got some Chocolate Covered Soy Nuts. Rooooasted soy nuts.

Ironic.
As long as it's not in my drink, I love it.

Then we went on our merry way.

We met up with one of my mom's friends and his son. His name was... Rick, I think and his son's name was Christian.
I remember his son's name because he made me feel tall and we both liked the music. We were the only ones who had actually ANY interest in the music. oO My mom just went because it was offered. P'shaw.
Music weaklings.

Anyways, I'm not as pessimistic right now and I managed not to puke sooo, yay.

~ <3

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.6
Mind:	5.5
Body:	5.7
Spirit:	7.3
Friends/Family:	7.4
Love:	7.9
Finance:	7.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

No, no. I am not going through my 'quiz phase' again. Believe me.
I just yoinked this from eva_3000's journal while I was going through my list of people who have friended me. I always look at least once a week or so at their journal's when I can. This one interested me.
Parental love? Ahaha... ha. Right then. Moving on.

Once again, I have not been steady with the upkeep of my journal. For this, I am.... veeery slightly ashamed. It's not like anybody reads this. And when they do, they're my friends and maybe a few random people.
I don't have a gazillion views. I would actually have to be interesting for that to happen. x3

I also looked back on my previous journal entries (all of which are now Private.) and I have realised that I was and probably still am.. a VERY obnoxious child. In the near future I will probably look back at this the same way I looked back at those entries. I'll probably think the same thing too...

"Oh my god. I was a retard. "

On another note, I actually have gift art to start and finish.

My list?

-Thearuh Wulf:
He would like to see me actually START my drawing of Fenix Adun, one of his characters. I admire his sense of detail... but this one will be a challenge. At least it will be when I get to it.

-Angus:
He wants me to draw one of his female characters. Out of all of the (so far very few) amounts of requests, this one shall be easiest. Oh yes.
Well, it would be if she weren't possibly in her late twenties. Matured features. Mm, oh joyous pain.

-Wanda Magick:
She wants me to draw her character, Blink, the skittles mutt. I adore him. I have no idea on how it will turn out.
'nuff said.


I KNOW I sound oh-so-slightly pessimistic at the end of every description, but I honestly do look forward to drawing them. It's fitting them in to my somehow growing schedule that will be hard.

My Schedule?

Well, today and yesterday I've been bleeding. Today just recently opened the fascinating door of puking up milk.

MidolTeen, peppermint tea, honey, and applesauce are my friends.

Tomorrow, or later today I'll somehow manage to go to the dentist for a check up AND at 7:30 my mom has decided to take me to a Celtic performance by.. Celtic Woman or... Women at the Nokia Center in Grandprairie. A bit away from where I am. I AM happy that she thought to take me though.

Inbetween those times I'll either be puking, cramping, updating this thing on the events, missing my friend currently at camp, missing my love currently in a state of having had food poisoning, calling my love in his current state at about 5:00 and FINALLY reading through the giftart requests. I take time and try to see the character before drawing it so I don't screw up.
I am SO tempted to be... a jerk, but I'm not going to be.

I have given my self the right to be pessimistic at the moment.

Thank you and have a nice day.

~ <3

Now, like many Neopet savvy people like myself I have joined the Altador Cup. http://www.neopets.com/altador/colosseum/index.phtml?sc9ejf2=68666
It's like a rip-off of the World Cup, only all the younger people who play on Neopets don't know that. It's not soccer though, no. It's Neopets on teams for each of the worlds in Neopia... throwing a Petpet around. Yes. Cruel. I know.
...but oh so fun. I'm such a loser.

I happen to be on the Lost Desert team.
- http://www.neopets.com/altador/colosseum/teams.phtml?team=9
The most superb, spiffic'ly awesome teams there is. At least, they are in MY opinion. The only way they can lose is if you suck.
Basically, you play and send in your results. I advise that you only send in your well-scored ones if you want your team to win. The more people on your team that win and play smart - the better!
Sooo, join my team and invite your friends.
People are doing it like a sub' does it doggy style. <3 Go for it.
.
.
.
.
.
What are you doing still reading? Now. D:

Well, that was pretty obvious.
It's the 21st and I haven't updated since the 9th.
Other than that, I've been taking a lot of pictures lately.
Most of them are pretty simple and just taken in another angle, but I still like looking at them.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola002.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola003.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola004.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola006.jpg
No, that is not blood. xD;; It's paint that got spilled. Someone walked through it so I took a picture.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola015.jpg

http://imcket.com/albug.photobums/v453/zillylily/Hola008.jpg

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v453/zillylily/Hola020.jpg


Yey! Pictures. <3 Tell me what you think.

Why?
Pff.
Well, a few days ago I started working on my story again and I suddenly felt like posting some of it. I think I'm starting to like my new style of writing better than my last. My last was a bit to... fancy pantsy glorious foolery.

----

I wonder what Jeremy is doing right now… She said she was sick and couldn’t drive me back to the apartment today.
Rena laughed to herself a bit and sighed. Of course with her it’s probably an excuse to stay at home and watch old anime. I don’t get what she sees in guys who can’t even take their pants down without someone drawing them doing it.
Looking up, the clouds swirled and a single raindrop fell onto to sidewalk in front of her leaving a small damp circle on the concrete. She shrugged it off, and then froze, bringing her hand up to her hair and winced, snapping her coat’s hood up over her head.
Damn. Rain. My clothes will get ruined. Jeremy better have the washing machine fixed or I swear…
“Ouch,” she said, her train of various empty threats being cut short. “Since when has a pole been there?”
----

Ooooh, the evil pole. Oi. Jereeeeemy! <333 All must love her. Also, it's all in good fun. x3 I don't even know if you like anime, Jermers. Your character is just so convenient as the best friend type.

I felt I HAD to post something on here even though it's 1 in the morning.
This is just plain infectious. I have work tomorrow too! Gah, why must I feel so... obligated? Not many people read this thing. Oh well.
These are the lyrics for my all time favorite, most calming, hypnotic....best damn thing and so on song. If you understand the lyrics you get a cookie.
--
Lilium


Os Iusti Meditabitur Sapientiam

Et Lingua Eius Loquetur Iudicium

Beatus Vir Qui Suffert Tentationem

Quoniam Cum Probatus Fuerit

Accipiet Coronam Vitae

Kyrie, Ignus Divine, Eleison

Oh Quam Sancta

Quam Serena

Quam Benigna

Quam Amoena

Oh Castitatis Lilium
--
Mm, a siren song. <3

Ah, why must my life be so boring this week?
I would go out and do something since it's a really nice day but I'm doing a favor for a friend of mine. She asked me to list a ton of stuff on eBay so she could get money and just... sell stuff.
Yesterday my sister told m ethat I HAD to wake up at 9 today so we could hang out, talk and watch anime before she went to her dance class downtown so I set my cellphone (Yea. My alarm clock broke a few days ago.) to ring at 9. Ofcourse, it rang, but I fell asleep right after and didn't wake up until 10 because she started banging on my door.
Oh joy be my life.
We did end up doing all the stuff we wanted to, but we did get much anime into the whole occasion. We curled up on the couch with bowls of chicken ramen (She refused to make her own. ), a small blanket and episodes of Midori No Hibi and a few of Elfen Lied.
I think the highlight of those moment was my laughing at her for being a bit scared of the Elfen lied killing scenes.
But good things do come to an end so she went to her dance lesson a few hours ago and I'm listing eBay stuffs while updating my journal. Hoorah. <3

Also, I won't be on any of messengers for awhile. I will be here, on DA and my email frequently so just drop a message because that will be the only way for me to contact you.

Well, as days go, today was okay.
I started feeling a bit better than I did this morning.
However, I won't be on for a few days since i really have to clean my house. A lot. So it all depends on how fast I can clean it up.

I know I haven't updated, but with good reason.
I wanted to wait awhile to see if I'd get any more responses on my last entry. If you do want to still send me a character you can either comment on the post on LiveJournal, the re-post on DeviantArt www.adimae.deviantart.com, or email me! Crucialtemperance@gmail.com
I'll always take a character. I don't mind.

Anyways, on with my life-
I just found out today one of my friends is on drugs and smoking...
To some it may not mean much, but when I found out I just felt blank and kind of hurt for a moment. I want my friend to be healthy since he's already skinny as it is.
I'm really, really worried for him since he's one of my best friends and he's gone through a lot. If he were to get really sick or.. or die, I don't know what I'd do. He's not seriously ill, but there are some things that worry me.
I'm not going to say who he is and if you know who he is, don't say so, but he's a very special person to me.
I mean it when I say he's one of my closest friends. I've known him for over two years now and he's really nice to talk to and hang out with.

I'm not normally this upset unless it has to do with my friends.
I love them with all my heart, I do. Giving an arm for them would be nothing.

Anyways, onto a cheerier topic.

I've started to watch some more anime.
I have finished Hellsing, Fruits Basket, Gravitation, and almost Outlaw Star.
I finished Hellsing last year and I have to say.. that it was the godliest thing I had ever seen. Naruto fans are going to hate me but this kicked it's sorry ass. Sometimes shorter is better since it makes you long for it more.
This is why your parents make you wait for a cookie until AFTER dinner. If you indulge in it you don't want to eat anymore.

Fruits Basket made me cry. In a good, sappy, female hormones way.
The only thing that bothered me is that you're left wondering if she does go with Kyo or not. Mixed feeling galore, I swear.
Momiji is my baby. <3

Sunset on the mountain,
Come out, come out Momiji!
Frogs and lizards,
Say hello!

Momiji's song. You must love it.

I don't have much to say about Gravitation other than I was confused. There's just way too much difference between it and the manga. Especially looks... and it's like he GAINED naivette in the anime.
I still watched it through though. What can I say? It's funny watching Eiri shrug off girls for Shuichi.

The anime I've started watching are Elfen Lied and Midori No Hibi (Midori Days).
I'm finishing Outlaw Star, but I'm not done yet.
I shall write more later since it's 7 in the morning.

Whose bright idea up in the big house to create insomnia?

Idiots.

I told you all I was really bad at updating.
You actually aren't even getting an LL update today. Today is all about stuff. My stuff. That's generally what journals are for.
So on with the journalness!

Awhile back, like over half a year back, I lost the second chapter to a book I was writing. I put my all into it and my hard drive decided to crash and burn on me. After that I pretty much lost my mojo and stopped writing. I didn't write ANYTHING. But, now that's all going to change. So I'm asking you, who will hopefully read and comment on my writing, to give suggestions.
I started writing again yesterday, seriously writing what I will hope go on into being a book when I came up with an idea.
Why not get ideas for characters from some friends? I already have established characters, but there's always room for flexible background ones or friends for the main character. If I don't take your character though, it's either because it doesn't fit the storyline or won't work.

First off, here are some things you should know:

1. It must be human since I'm not all that far into writing it, at all, and there may or may NOT be mythical things in it.

2. I'd like for it to be a flexible character. I like things that are easy to work with so I don't somehow go beyond what your character would actually do.
Example: You volunteering a character that I put as a mom, when in reality she would never have kids, or isn't into guys... or just plain isn't mom material.
That probably wouldn't happen, but flexible, storyline fitting characters would be good.

3. Try and keep your character 'normal'. A modern day person with the name Grace or Shelly or Bob or George, y'know? Any names are fine, but not something like, "Taliyah Shimmering T'Lilah" or.. anything like that.

That's about it. Anything else I didn't put is probably just obvious anyway.

After typing this much it would be stupid NOT to put a sample of what I'd like suggestions for. So here it is! Feel free to be a critic. Criticism can just help me be a better writer.

-----------------------

“Why should I do this?”

“Because it’s part of your job, Rena!”

“Well what if I don’t want to, Miss Boss-pants?”

“Then you’re fired.”

Fine, be that way, she muttered. Picking up the mop, she slowly began rolling the wet cloth ends over the waxed floor.
It’s not like I have a life or anything, right? This is all I do, and with my luck, all I’ll ever do. I’m just the little miss ‘small-town girl’ with a rack.

“I think you missed a spot over there,” a boy with a shirt saying ‘I Love Kilts’ said, pointing over to a corner of the bar.

“You said that five minutes ago. Get new material.”

“You hate my shirt that much? I would, but I’ve grown fond of cotton.”

“Don’t flatter yourself, Thomas.” Damn his cute smirk to hell.

“Too late.”

After a few hours of mopping down the bar floor and bussing tables she finally sat down on a stool and rested her head against the cool counter. She had counted her tips hours earlier before closing time and had gotten up to about sixty dollars. It was pretty good for a Wednesday, but not perfect.
Not even bothering to acknowledge the familiar footsteps behind her, she stayed resting on the counter.
“You alright? You look like a total wreck.” There goes Thomas’s charm again. Such class.

“Thanks a lot. Did you do anything today other than sit and do the manager’s job?”

“Rena, I’m offended. Of course I did,” smirking; he leaned over and placed his elbows on the counter next to her head. “I looked pretty for the customers.”

“Wow. Where would I be without you? I’m going to head out. Lock up for me, okay?”

“Sure. Whatever.”

Tearing off the cleaning apron, Rena took her bag and coat from the employee’s storage room and walked out.
-----------------------------------
Of course that's not the whole first chapter. It's not even two pages. That's just what I have right now.